RP: The Bridge to Everywhere

Relational Presence builds a powerful connecting bridge to any other human being or group.

This has been brought home for me the past month as I bring Relational Presence training to adults with Down Syndrome and other developmental disabilities at a facility supporting independent living. The striking results provide clues as to how RP practice raises quality of life for us all.

Every one of us has our own distinct language with unique patterns and habits of perceiving, listening and speaking, and it has been said that it’s quite the miracle that any two humans can communicate at all.

Shared silences marked by easy breathing space is the bridge that allows any conversational flow at all between adults, and people with developmental disabilities have the burden of extreme patterns and habits of perceiving, listening and speaking. Sitting with a group with them you can sense each in their own domain, which is why they almost always relate directly with the counselor rather than with each other. Some are primarily non-verbal, while others tend to chatter away in no particular direction.

Their unique patterns of non-communication are seemingly hard-wired, along with a low capacity for sustained eye contact. I wondered: Can some version of RP practice take hold here? Isn't that the bridge they sorely need toward communicating with each other and in the world? Wouldn't shared eye engagement raise quality of life and self-esteem, improve communication skills, and support greater independence out in the world?

Many thanks to Lisa Scandurra, program manager of Victory Center at The Cedars of
Marin, and her remarkable counselors, who’ve trusted me to explore these possibilities with their groups.

I quickly saw that introducing RP in the usual way and conducting a Speaking Circle was not what was called for. Instead, I found myself improvising in kind of a dance mode, looking for their eyes, coaxing out their eyes, demanding their eyes, and every time I'd get someone's eyes I'd exclaim in delight "Yes! Yes! Yes! Your eyes are beautiful!" Because they are, and their huge hearts shine through, unfiltered.
I went trolling for eyes like a thirsty man for water in the desert, and I kept finding them and drinking them in. I found myself talking into their intelligence through their sparkling eyes. I saw each of them as whole and complete and perfect.

I have become a fierce advocate for this population and the extraordinary counselors who love them and serve them. And my heart is wide open and getting a needed healing.

I’ve observed something fascinating about how I see “Intelligence.” On the face of it, this population’s lack is precisely in that area. And yes, many have large blind spots in certain aspects of intelligence. But so do I, and so do you. Theirs’ are just more extreme. But like the rest of us, I sense aspects of vast intelligence. Since lucid speech isn’t usually one of those aspects, it may take a while to find the subtleties of their brilliance. But the process is exhilarating! All I know is that when I see perfect intelligence and discernment in their eyes, they live up to it in unexpected ways.

Harriet reads novels and can discuss them, but can’t operate a washing machine. Joe cannot sustain eye contact during his turn, but while another person is working and having difficulty making eye contact, John looks lovingly at him and says, “Give me your eyes!” Phyllis makes no apparent sense with her chatter, seems totally distracted and hides her eyes for most of a session, and then just before the end takes a magnificent full smiling bow to the group while giving a “thumbs-up” sign. I see perfect intelligence in her.

Every one of them has a different and fascinating constellation of “conditions,” as do the rest of us. And like the rest of us, they are constantly mobilizing their intelligence to solve problems and keep life under control.

My spiritual perspective is that there is one intelligence: Divine Intelligence. And we are each plugged into it absolutely. It shows up in different ways through us and as us. Exploring Relational Presence practice with the so-called “developmentally disabled” population seems to give me greater access to Divine Intelligence flowing through me.

Perhaps Relational Presence is Intelligence.

Please feel free to comment or ask questions.

Comments

[Darlene]

Lee, this in an incredible article and a wonderful observation on your part. I am new to your work and this is my first newletter. I joined your list for myself, as I am just beginning my public speaking life on a full time basis. This story touched me deeply because I have a developmentally disabled son and you have described the intelligence in this population beautifully. I feel that all of this population are actually very old souls that have come to earth in this manner to teach the world how to use love and compassion.
Love and compassion is our means for saving the planet. This population stirs that feeling more than any other population present at this time.

[Amara]

Lee,

This is one of the most beautiful stories I've ever received from you. Your work is absolutely leading edge in terms of what the world needs now. May I have your permission to quote from/link to this piece, either on my own blog, or perhaps on Architects of A New Dawn, the new social network I belong to (founded by Carlos Santana)? It deserves a wide audience ~

Many blessings,
Amara

[Lolli Levine]

Hi Lee,
I love the way you are exploring possibilities.
I can see and feel the divinity in the Relational Presence of this group of loving beings.
This is GOOD work. Much love to you.

[Lee Glickstein]

Sure, Amara. Link and quote it as you'd like. Best, Lee