Early this week I posted Doreen Hamilton's article on the Speaking Circle Facilitator weblog, about how Relational Presence works wonders in life situations that may otherwise by fraught with tensions. Five minutes after making that post, I received an email from a SC participant dramatically demonstrating that point. Here, with permission of the writer, is that email. Below that is Doreen's post.
"My company announced yesterday that my division is being sold. We were then told that some of us would be invited to interview at the acquiring company. My interview was today and I just got home. It was a bit a of a high pressure situation, and a cool experience. I had sat down with a manager, when their Vice President came in and said he wanted to sit in on my interview. Then the manager promptly asked me the first question. Guess what I did? I took a breath! And I maintained Relational Presence with him and the VP during the whole time. This was such a departure from how I probably would have handled it in the past. I extremely value the experience I have been getting with the Speaking Circles. When I left, I got that good vibe that you get when you know that you've 'made the sale.'"
DOREEN'S POST:
We all know that Relational Presence is an ongoing practice that can be part of living more consciously every moment of every day. As Facilitators we apply this amazing process in Speaking Circles to help people transform their fear of speaking in groups, but we are also introducing people to a new way of being in the world. Many participants soon realize the value that RP has beyond the reduction of their speaking anxiety. One specific and challenging instance where we can apply this new-found ability to be with another person is in conflict situations.
In our groups, we instruct our members to simply be with one other person no matter what the discomfort is. We guide them to be gently available for connection and to listen with an appreciation for the essence of another. By allowing words to emerge at their own pace, people find that their expressions have more depth and honesty. By “speaking into the listening” what they have to say can be delivered in a way that can be heard. The basic RP instructions when remembered and implemented during times of conflict can facilitate greater understanding between two people who are in a disagreement as well as two countries that are at war.
We first need to be willing and committed to stepping into RP regardless of the emotions that may be arising. Not trying to change them, but to be with them and with the person who might be triggering those unpleasant sensations is the goal. Since we believe that a positive connection among all things already exists, we can stand in that knowledge and treat it as a possibility, even though we are tempted to disengage and blame or accuse or fight. Come back and keep coming back to RP and trust there is a channel of connection that is there…somewhere.
To listen from the heart, tune into and appreciate the essence of the other allows for a positive regard to manifest itself. From this open, expansive place of RP, the right words can be like a healing balm that soothes and calms the frustrated and agitated self. The soul can then be remembered. With insight, a new clarity is achieved, forgiveness is possible, and peace is realized. We all know that Relational Presence is an ongoing practice that can be part of living more consciously every moment of every day. As Facilitators we apply this amazing process in Speaking Circles to help people transform their fear of speaking in groups, but we are also introducing people to a new way of being in the world.
Many participants soon realize the value that RP has beyond the reduction of their speaking anxiety. One specific and challenging instance where we can apply this new-found ability to be with another person is in conflict situations. In our groups, we instruct our members to simply be with one other person no matter what the discomfort is. We guide them to be gently available for connection and to listen with an appreciation for the essence of another. By allowing words to emerge at their own pace, people find that their expressions have more depth and honesty. By “speaking into the listening” what they have to say can be delivered in a way that can be heard.
The basic RP instructions when remembered and implemented during times of conflict can facilitate greater understanding between two people who are in a disagreement as well as two countries that are at war. We first need to be willing and committed to stepping into RP regardless of the emotions that may be arising. Not trying to change them, but to be with them and with the person who might be triggering those unpleasant sensations is the goal. Since we believe that a positive connection among all things already exists, we can stand in that knowledge and treat it as a possibility, even though we are tempted to disengage and blame or accuse or fight.
Come back and keep coming back to RP and trust there is a channel of connection that is there … somewhere. To listen from the heart, tune into and appreciate the essence of the other allows for a positive regard to manifest itself. From this open, expansive place of RP, the right words can be like a healing balm that soothes and calms the frustrated and agitated self. The soul can then be remembered. With insight, a new clarity is achieved, forgiveness is possible, and peace is realized.
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